What I'm NOT Being for Halloween

I know Halloween is getting close when my girlfriend asks me what my costume will be this year. She doesn't ask because she wants to know. She asks as a way of reminding me I better start thinking of a costume. If you ask me, coming up with a halloween costume is worse than shopping for Christmas gifts. At Christmas you can always fall back on a gift card but what's the gift card of halloween costumes? 

We were thinking of dressing up as Bert and Ernie this year. That didn't sound too difficult. I went to the internet for inspiration. After typing "Bert and Ernie costume" into google, I saw a few results that looked like Bert and Ernie but I saw a lot more that looked so horrifying I'm obliged to share them with you now. So here we go.

Let's start with this. Holy shit. I don't know what's more unsettling. Bert's lifeless eyes or Ernie's inexplicable sheen. As we go through these you'll see that a lot of people thought face paint would be a good way to pull this off. They were all wrong.

Here we have giant mascot head bert and ernie. Ernie's head has been dented, presumably at the hands of Bert during a domestic dispute. Bert's got that sinister look on his face because he thinks nobody knows.

Another face paint atrocity. WHY IS ERNIE ALWAYS SO WET?

What I always loved about Bert and Ernie is that they always kept in such good shape. These costumes really do justice to Bert's arm and delt development as well as Ernie's very athletic thighs.

Face paint again. Or what I think is face paint. For once Ernie's face doesn't look sopping wet so he may have just rolled it in some cheeto dust. There are 4 eyes in this photo and none of them are looking in the same direction. I'm also unsure why Ernie has Richard Simmons hair.

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